Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
