His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
