dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Everyone says I win the strip club
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
