Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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