somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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