The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
