Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
