Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
