I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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