i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
