he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
