ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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