The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
