Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
