Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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