since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize