My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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