I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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