Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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