i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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