these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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