So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
