I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
