You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
