i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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