Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
