I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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