just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
