You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
