Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
