I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
