i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
