Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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