why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
