My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
