so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
