Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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