p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
