We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
