I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
