he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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