its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think a kid would responsible me up
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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