6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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