new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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