I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
