Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
