I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
