I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
