Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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