He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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