Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
