Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
