Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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