new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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