let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
