I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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