I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
