You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
