So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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