god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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