you would pick up someone in the library
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
