My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
