Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
