My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
