Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
