OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
