I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
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Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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