Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
PANTIES FOUND
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