I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
