Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
too bad you live with your parents still
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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