we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
