1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
