I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
