I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
