Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
