Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.

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  (818): he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job. http://tfl.nu/gvx6
  Replies (9) Good night (900) Bad night (1318)
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  (949): View more from California

  if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics

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  (949): if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics http://tfl.nu/rqml
  Replies (14) Good night (1118) Bad night (1775)
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  (631): View more from New York

  we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.

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  (631): we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/crmc
  Replies (30) Good night (3823) Bad night (615)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

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  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (68) Good night (18232) Bad night (1450)
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  (415): View more from California

  Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.

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  (415): Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea. http://tfl.nu/bfzd
  Replies (8) Good night (4326) Bad night (1072)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.

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  (720): He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were. http://tfl.nu/8g5z
  Replies (7) Good night (818) Bad night (2383)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???

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  (347): Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord??? http://tfl.nu/3v54
  Replies (15) Good night (2548) Bad night (1083)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.

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  (907): My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic. http://tfl.nu/erca
  Replies (3) Good night (2139) Bad night (1255)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.

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  (646): Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around. http://tfl.nu/mt6p
  Replies (7) Good night (556) Bad night (1284)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You live a charmed life.

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  (848): Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left. (732): You live a charmed life. http://tfl.nu/9usd
  Replies (8) Good night (2229) Bad night (660)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned

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  (519): You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned http://tfl.nu/faec
  Replies (4) Good night (977) Bad night (403)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed

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  (717): if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen? (484): i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed http://tfl.nu/7o4k
  Replies (7) Good night (1084) Bad night (414)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight

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  (208): God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight http://tfl.nu/fm83
  Replies (7) Good night (1156) Bad night (324)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?

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  (623): I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us? http://tfl.nu/w6tx
  Replies (5) Good night (515) Bad night (267)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.

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  (204): As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry. http://tfl.nu/4c2f
  Replies (0) Good night (224) Bad night (106)

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