Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
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The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable