That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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