All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
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Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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